Darlene Questioning the high instance of Gas

Good Morning!  I'm a little behind on Blogging but feeling pretty good today about things. I was thinking about what to chat about and yesterday on my walk with Richard it came to me...GAS!

Now, you might say that's not very lady like and I normally would quite agree but in the last few years (during my up hill climb to turning 60) I've come to realize that I am slowly gaining the skills of a Jr High boy when it comes to being able to pass gas. I tried to hide it and shed many a tears behind the bathroom walls and now I embrace the fact that as I am getting older I am becoming my grandmother.

Do you remember being at your grandmother's (or some of you, your mothers) and have them pass gas and pretend they didn't? I can remember being in a store and realizing that an older person passed gas and kept on walking. Without saying "Oh Sorry!" The nerve of them to just pretend they didn't just fart in the aisle of the Dollar Store and now people think I did it!.

Well, guess what I am there! This is where I am laying down now as I confess to you my inner fears. I  started realizing I had fears of public passing a few years ago. Most of you know what a Mic Runner is, but for those of you who don't. During General Session Meetings, staff are often asked to be in the room and carry a microphone to people who want to ask questions of the Moderator or Speaker on the stage and you take the Mic to them in the audience. Once you make your way through the seating of chairs and.or tables you kneel down and hand the mic to the guest so they can ask their question. You wait there until the question has been answered and then take the mic rise and move to the next one. My biggest fear in my younger days was getting through the crowded spaces quickly NOW the fear is two fold. 1. Being able to get up from the squat on the floor...hoping my knees will work AND the #1 biggest fear is that I won't pass GAS AS I RISE! Can you imagine!!! Now, would I admit it and say "Oh excuse me I farted please continue! " or would I say.."Sir, would you please ask that question again I don't think they heard you?"

One more thing regarding passing gas and I will move on. When in a public bathroom, how many of you wait for the lady in the next stall to flush the toilet so you can pass gas? I am to the point where now I consider the timing and try to measure my timing to see if I can make it out of the bathroom before she does so she won't know it was me. Pee, Gas, flush, pull up pants, out door, wash hands, dry (damn air dryer not towels takes longer) and out door...too late she beat me...she passed gas!

So ladies (and guys if your wives are sharing) can you commiserate with me on this or have you not arrived yet?

Have a good day and may God Bless you with a gas less day if you have to go shopping!